I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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