Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I love you. Go after that dick
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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