omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
