I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
