Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
