I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
