im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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