everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
