I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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