Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
