Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
