Where is the hickey?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
