I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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