Sponge bath it is.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
