Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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