Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
