I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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