you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
