Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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