Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
