hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
