his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
