I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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