Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
