It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Randomize
