you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
