I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
My vagina is officially offended.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
