Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
