walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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