First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
