I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
