how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
