he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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