mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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