its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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