Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Randomize
