Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
