were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
