I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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