Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
