he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
