Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Randomize
