like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
