Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Randomize
