Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
