I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
