So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
don't judge my taste in strippers
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
