My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
