We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
don't judge my taste in strippers
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
