Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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