fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
