Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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