I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
