i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
