if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
