Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
im holly from the hills drunk
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
