i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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