I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
