Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
